Weekly Update: The Green Shirt
More valuable to me than Rory's Masters Green Jacket!
Weekly Update: The Green Shirt
Our yard and woods are becoming greener by the day. The viburnum is in bloom and we are enjoying its fragrance. This time of year reminds me of flying into Ireland and seeing the infinite shades of green in the landscape, truly on display the reason Ireland is called the Emerald Isle.
Rory McElroy achieved a career milestone this past weekend, winning the Masters golf tournament. He thrilled us with his play after a few bad holes to hold on to win. He received a green jacket as part of the championship regalia. I have a similar story. I’ve shared this with very few people but it is what I am supposed to write about today. So here is the story of the green shirt. Names changed for this essay.
I cared for a fellow for a few years. He would be dressed sharply. Often he would wear brightly colored shirts that caught my eye. It became a ritual for us to complement each other on our attire but I would always tell him how great he looked in this particular green shirt. We came to look forward to our visits for more than keeping him healthy-we were connecting on a deeper level. Mark enjoyed this as much as I did. As time passed, he started to feel ill and was eventually diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He declined over time, was hospitalized for a time, then when it was clear that nothing further could be done with either chemotherapy or other interventions. He came home to spend his last times at home with his wife, Jan. I made a few home visits but the days of the green shirt were gone. He was in bed. Thinner, more fatigued. And finally his journey was over.
As I offered my condolences to Jan and family, I retold the story of Mark’s and my ritual around the green shirt. I sheepishly asked if she still had that green shirt. Alas, she thought it went to Goodwill with the majority of his clothes. I was hoping she still had was going to ask if I could have it as a memento of our relationship. She was sorry that she didn’t keep it.
Fast forward a month or so. A package arrives in the mail. I can’t remember if there was a return address on the package or not, but as soon as I opened it, I knew who it was from. It was from Jan and it was THE green shirt! She had located it and sent it to me. I was humbled and excited all at the same time. I tried it on. Perfect fit!
I wear it to work semiregularly but there are days that I absolutely wear it. As I prep for patient care time on Thursdays, I review the charts of the patients I will see. When Jan’s name is on my schedule, I know what I will be wearing. The green shirt. I’ve never missed showing her my appreciation by wearing it when she is coming in. As we hug, she gets to hug part of Mark. And she smiles, remembering her love. Those are very special moments for both of us.
Rory got his green jacket, I got my green shirt. I bet I get to wear it more than Rory gets to wear his jacket. Here’s the shalom part: Mark and I intentionally made connections as our relationship developed. I could not help much toward the end of his life, but I could be there for him as best I could. It was what I was supposed to do. My shalom was shared with his family, then and now. Being a family physician and having these deep and abiding relationships is no accident. It is by intention. My intention to give fully. But I also receive fully. It keeps my shalom reservoir from going dry. Look for opportunities to connect with someone else in more than superficial ways. You will be gifted with shalom! Peace and comfort to those enduring the cancer journey. You are loved.